


you can find it (if you're dying to live)

by yanak324



Series: love on the brain [1]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cuddling, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Late Night Conversations, No real plot whatsoever, Romance, Talks of nightmares, references to therapy and PTSD, tenderness born out of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 00:09:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20939060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yanak324/pseuds/yanak324
Summary: It took Arya a long time to admit that loving someone as fiercely as she loves Gendry isn't a weakness. It's very much a strength and her greatest weapon against the demons in her head.





	you can find it (if you're dying to live)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thelandofnothing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelandofnothing/gifts).

> When your writing soulmate prompts you for some fluff, you buck up and do it. Especially when you've been drowning in angsty writing for weeks. No real plot, just cuddles and love. As always, I own nothing. Title from Cold War Kids (who I cannot stop listening to?!?) and characters belong to GRRM. Hope you all enjoy :)

The rain falls in fat, round droplets that splatter against the window with unnecessary force and blend into the sheets of water obscuring the stormy night from view. 

Downpours are not uncommon in Storm’s End. It took Arya a while to get used to the temperamental weather. 

Tonight, watching the rivulets of water pound steadily against the glass helps soothe her mental turmoil.

In the last few years, her quality of sleep has increased exponentially; nightmares getting less and less frequent. But there are still nights when the images plaguing her subconscious become too much to handle and she finds herself jolted awake, mind in disarray.

At least she’s passed the point of being forcibly roused from her dreams. She can’t help but resent her own mind and its inability to let go of the past for a number of reasons. At the top of that list is seeing Gendry’s horrified face on each occasion that he’s had to pull her from sleep just to quell the tremors running through her body. 

As if her thoughts have beckoned him, Arya feels a strong, warm arm settle around her middle as Gendry slots himself behind her on the bench. 

When he’s originally built this window nook for her – an anniversary present a couple years back – Arya had thought she’d spend a lot more time reading here than sitting and watching the rain in hopes of drawing all the bad images out of her head. 

The instant relief that floods her as she leans back against Gendry’s sturdy frame tells her that she probably should have stayed in bed.

“Did I wake you?” She presses her lips to the thick vein that runs along his bicep and smiles softly to herself when she feels him shiver.

“No,” Gendry brushes the hair off her neck and settles his chin on her shoulder, “but the bed felt cold without you.” 

His words nick at something deep inside Arya, making her want to bury herself even further into his embrace.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake you with my tossing and turning.” 

“’s okay, you don’t need to apologize.” Gendry is quick to soothe her, as always, dropping a kiss on her temple. 

It’s in quiet moments like these that Arya can’t help but wonder how she could have spent so much time away from this man. She was so blinded by her insecurities and absolutely terrified of the feelings he inspired in her. The thought makes her want to get impossibly closer to him. Arya shifts until she’s fully situated in his lap and can look up to see his shining blue eyes.

There’s concern swimming in them today. She gives him a reassuring smile and wraps her arms around his waist, soaking up his warmth. 

It’s been particularly cold these past few weeks, but Gendry has always been a furnace and sleeps with his shirt off even in the dead of winter. Arya absolutely doesn’t mind; especially not while her cheek is warm against his bare chest. 

She’s not usually this tactile but tonight’s dreams have left her feeling particularly unsettled. It’s testament to how well Gendry knows her that instead of teasing, he lets her wrap herself around him and take whatever comfort she needs.

They sit in silence for a while, the staccato beat of the rain nearly lulling Arya back to sleep when Gendry’s voice filters into her ear.

“Was it another nightmare?” 

She nods against his chest without saying anything. His arms automatically tighten around her; as if he can physically shield her from the demons that have her in a mental stronghold. 

“Want to talk about it?” he continues to probe, and Arya knows why. 

On the few occasions that Gendry’s come to therapy with her, Dr. Jurne has encouraged them to talk about her nightmares, suggesting that discussing them can not only strengthen their relationship but also help assuage the remnants of anxiety that seem to plague Arya for days after. 

Well their relationship is just fine - it's actually better than fine - and tonight, she doesn’t want to follow doctor’s orders and unpack whatever is still swimming in her brain. 

No, tonight, she wants to stay firmly rooted in the present, absorbing as much strength as she can from the man holding her so protectively.

“No.” 

Gendry doesn’t seem satisfied with her response and tilts her face up to look at him. Her lips curve up slightly when she spots the wariness in his cerulean gaze. 

“Are you sure? You know what Dr. Jurne –“ 

“I know what he said,” Arya interrupts, heart swelling to twice its size at Gendry’s urgency to adhere to what her therapist recommended. 

Sometimes she thinks he’s even more invested in her well-being than she is, and it knocks the wind out of her; how fiercely devoted he is to her. That devotion used to scare the shit out of her, but she thanks her lucky stars that the universe brought them back together. 

She’s not sure what she’d do without Gendry now. 

The thought prompts her to unfurl herself from his arms until she can face him and properly straddle him. Gendry’s hands fall instinctively to her hips, and he exhales softly when she caresses the side of his jaw.

She has every intention of leaning down and kissing him, but the tension coming off of him in waves gives her pause. She rests her forehead against his instead, fingers snaking around to play with the soft hairs at the nape of his neck. 

Despite everyone’s claims that she has Gendry wrapped around her finger, moments like this remind Arya that she’s just as smitten by him. It took her a long time to admit that loving someone as fiercely as she loves the man in front of her isn’t a weakness.

In fact, it’s very much a strength, and one that’s gotten her through some horrific times in her life. It's why she owes him some honesty as well. 

“I don’t even remember what the dream was about, really. Just that it woke me up and I couldn’t fall back asleep.” 

“You can always wake me up if that happens. You know, I don’t mind.”

Gendry rubs his knuckles along her upper thigh, toying with the hem of her t-shirt. Although Arya knows he’s doing it on autopilot, it still makes her toes curl. 

“I know, but we both know you gotta be up early tomorrow and I didn’t want to do that.” 

It’s a sticking point for them, she knows this, but it’s one she’s not willing to compromise on. As much as she loves his commitment to her mental wellness, there’s absolutely no reason that both of them have to be sleep deprived and miserable the next day. 

Gendry exhales in frustration.

“And I don’t like waking up without you, so what are we gonna do about that?” 

Arya smiles, unable to hide her affection at the line that suddenly forms between his brows. 

“I can think of a few things,” she says with a teasing tilt that makes his jaw clench.

She arches into him, just a little bit, and he groans against her shoulder.

“Arya.” Despite his warning tone, Gendry stops caressing her thighs in favor of gripping her backside.

Arya knows this isn’t the answer to anything. Doesn’t need a licensed practitioner to tell her that distracting herself from the tumult in her head won’t make it disappear. But she’s been so disciplined about working through this, she can give herself a little leeway. 

Especially when it comes in the form of her very hot and very attentive boyfriend. 

“I’ve missed you, you know.” 

Between her frequent travels for work and his hectic schedule, they’ve barely had time to themselves in weeks. Right now seems as good an occasion as any to rectify that. 

Gendry looks at her like he knows exactly what she’s doing, but it doesn’t stop him from slipping his hands underneath her t-shirt. One traces up her spine while the other reaches for the waistband of her panties. 

“I’ll make you a deal.” 

He hooks a thumb under the elastic, making Arya arch into him; her mind already gone pleasantly blank. 

“I’m listening.” 

The hand on her back moves to her ribs, brushing the undersides of her breasts just enough to have her nipples tighten. 

“I’ll take you to bed now, but only if you promise to talk to me about all of this tomorrow.” 

At some point, Arya's eyes had slipped close but they peel open at at Gendry’s request. The love she sees written so plainly on his face nearly steals her breath away. She’s so goddamn lucky to have a partner in life who is so invested. 

Arya isn’t sure she can properly articulate just how grateful she is, but figures the least she can do is try. She surprises them both by wrapping her arms tightly around Gendry’s shoulders and burying her face in his neck. 

“I love you.” She mutters into the junction between his shoulder and throat, unable to resist pressing her lips into the soft skin. 

Gendry stills his exploration, returning her hug as much as he can with his hand still trapped between them. 

“I love you too,” he says quickly, lips skirting her hairline as she stays draped over him. 

Eventually, Gendry wiggles the fingers pressed against her ribs to keep them from falling asleep, and reignites the fire he’d begun to stroke into her earlier. Arya tilts her head just to the right and finally indulges herself in the taste of Gendry’s skin. 

She kisses along his jaw, reveling in his soft groans of appreciation. Stopping just short of his mouth, Arya opens her eyes again, smiling indulgently as she watches Gendry struggle to maintain some control. 

“Deal, obviously.” She says before pulling his bottom lip between hers and sucking softly. Gendry returns her kiss in her earnest, inviting her tongue to explore the caverns of his mouth. 

He doesn’t stay seated for long, soon making good on his promise of taking her to bed. 

He lays her down and carefully divests her of her t-shirt. Then he pulls the covers over both of them and searches for her mouth in the darkness.

Much later as the rain finally settles and the pleasant lethargy starts to finally lull her to sleep, Arya thinks about how none of her demons – mental or otherwise – stand a chance when she’s got Gendry fighting in her corner.


End file.
